Monday, September 7, 2009
Well, I am feeling terrified, depressed, elated, proud, worried, and hopeful. Got a lot of life going on. For those who are interested, lemme fill you in.
The big issue is my mother-in-law, the well-known printmaker and teacher Ruth Leaf. I'm not going to go into details because it ain't your nevermind, but she's going through a serious health crisis and things are not looking good. The missus has been staying with her for the last couple of weeks, but she's coming back tomorrow and the situation is nowhere near to being resolved. I'm concerned both for her and for my wife.
The other issue is that the missus got turned down as a co-signer for my student loan, so I am a broke-ass son of a bitch. This is about as distressing as you'd imagine. I'm going to have to find another co-signer, go on some kind of public support (which I do not want to do, unless it's in the form of an NEA grant or some such), leech off the missus (whose finances aren't that much more cheerful than mine, currently), find some means of earning a living, or wither and die. The last option would be quite unpopular in some quarters, so I'm trying to figure out how to make another one of the others work.
Right now my main concern is avoiding lapsing into a paralytic depression. It would be so easy for me to collapse right now, and the fact that I haven't laid eyes on the missus in a long time makes that even easier. Since she's been gone I've had one night when I slept for six hours; aside from that it's been less than three hours a night, which frees up a lot of time for laying in the dark worrying. Ain't gonna let myself drift into greyspace, though; now is not the time.
But while the above complaints have me going through hell, there's a great deal of hope as well. I've mentioned that the novel is running strong and has been described by an entertainment professional as extremely saleable. Another pal has a possible job offer for me that might get my foot in the copywriting and layout door. And this morning, a guy who's published one of my stories and has another in the hopper sent me an invitation to participate in a documentary on up-and-coming writers. (I seem to be on a few people's radar in that realm...) And I've got Viable Paradise to look forward to -- it's coming up fast.
So what are the plans? I'm gonna send out a mass email to my relatives to see if anyone is willing to co-sign for me. Gonna go down to the rehabilitation department and get myself on the list for assistance. Gonna get hold of some grant forms. Gonna put together a presentation for the above-mentioned job possibility. I'm changing my educational plans -- I'm getting into the editorial program at the UC extension as soon as possible, despite my concerns as to how it might impact my work on the novel. And it may sound crazy, but I think I should apply for work at Pixar.
I'm gonna monetize this blog, set up a Redbubble store, and change my other site to be a professional site dealing with copywriting and design. Now is not the time for me to indulge in self-doubt. Money must be made one way or another.
I can't do everything at once, but today? I can edit a couple of chapters of the novel for Homework Club, edit the submissions for this week's Monday night group, take care of my photography homework, send out my pleading email, and work on that job presentation I mentioned.
No self-pity, no self-flagellation. It's just trouble, and it's not like I've never had trouble before. And I've got to admit there's a certain exhilaration in my complete ignorance of what my life is gonna be like when things return to some sort of equilibrium.
Crazy days, folks, crazy days.