Tuesday, September 1, 2009

One Small Step...

Some people can rock the Grizzly Adams look. I ain't one of 'em.

Of course, the haircut lets one clearly observe the shape of my skull. It's definitely a hominid skull. No question of that.

So I've been going through it for the last few days. I lose all motivation when the missus isn't around, I'm worried about her mom, etc, etc. So for a few days there I more or less collapsed. Did nothing worth anything. Watched the Walking With... DVDs. Again. No scary mood swings or anything like that -- just a sense of numb, overwhelmed helplessness.

Yesterday I reminded myself that it was the beginning of the semester and I had a lot to do. So I pulled myself out of the mire, a bit. I made sure I ate a meal. (I plan on eating at least two of those today...) I bullied myself into editing the submissions for the Monday night writer's group.

And I also pulled a little trick that has helped me out of this situation before. When I feel overwhelmed by the demands of life, it's because I'm seeing life as one huge, monolithic thing. So breaking it down into smaller units of struggle is of use.

Sometimes just cutting my damned hair is enough to help me feel as though I've got some kind of grip on the situation. So there you go -- I need to buy plane tickets, finish off my student loan application, do an assignment for my 3D class -- which looks to be an ass-kicker, by the way, read the manual for my camera, draw an Anomalocaris, order my software, etc, etc.

But I cut my hair. And now I'm gonna do my next chore. And then the next. When the missus comes back home, I don't want to be a basket case. She doesn't need that right now.

Sometimes I kinda wish I wasn't a crazy person. Oh, well. I've got to work with the materials at hand.

One step at a time, oafboy. One step at a time.


Erin O'Brien said...

You look wonderful!

Sean Craven said...

Very kind of you to say, Erin. I must admit that the throbbing muscularity of my brows is rather fetching. Who knew that clenching my face in frustration would prove to be such a boon to beauty?

Erin O'Brien said...

Don't call it frustration, call it intensity.

Sean Craven said...

Thanks! (You are a regular sweetheart, you know that?)

I think I can reasonably claim 'intense.' That does it. The next time someone tells me I'm psychotic, I'll say, "No, I'm moody and intense. Byronic, in fact."

Yeah, that's it. I'm going totally old school. I'll still put most of my effort into being a nice guy, but when I need a break from decency, I'll be mad, bad, and dangerous to know. Hopefully, that'll impress the missus.