Conversation the First
(In the dark, at five in the morning, after a night of insomnia.)
(In the dark, at five in the morning, after a night of insomnia.)
The Oaf: The thing is that it set off my obsessiveness. It's like the time my buddy and I mixed it up when he said that rotation is gravity.
The Missus: Well, there is a type of rotation that is gravity. It's called Coriolis Force or something.
The Oaf (grits teeth): You mean Centrifugal Force. That isn't gravity at all. It's constrained inertia. Under some circumstances it can mimic gravity...
The Missus: I think your friend was probably right. It makes sense to me.
The Oaf: No, gravity is a basic force. What you're talking about is just --
The Missus: Yeah, I think rotation is gravity.
The Oaf (briefly contemplates getting up and fetching a string and a bucket and some paper and colored pens with which to draw diagrams): Whatever.
Conversation the Second
(In the kitchen, as the dogs lick out plastic containers previously holding stock.)
(In the kitchen, as the dogs lick out plastic containers previously holding stock.)
The Oaf (In reference to Amanda, the Australian sheepdog.): I wish she wasn't getting deaf. I hate having to fetch her.
The Missus: Well, the next time you call her try thinking her name really loud.
The Oaf (Gives a look of cold loathing.): ...
The Missus: She's telepathic.
The Oaf: ...
The Missus: Shut up. I know it's woo. Just do it.
Conversation the Third
(In the parking lot at Berkeley Bowl.)
(In the parking lot at Berkeley Bowl.)
The Oaf: Man, the sight of that old guy gave me the willies.
The Missus: Which one, the one in the walker or the one in the wheelchair?
The Oaf: The one in the wheelchair. The way my back's going I've got to wonder if I'm gonna be in one of those when I'm that age.
The Missus: You won't live to be that old. You're going to die when you're sixty.
The Oaf: What the fuck?
The Missus: You're going to die when you're sixty and I'm going to die when I'm eighty. We'll die at the same time.
The Oaf: Telling someone they're going to die when they're sixty is no way to make them feel any better.
The Missus: Maybe I'm not trying to make you feel better. (Locks eyes with oaf and delivers a fiery gaze as her hair coils around her face, Medusa-fashion.) Maybe I'm just torturing you.
Today's Final score:
The Oaf: 0
The Missus: 3
The Oaf: 0
The Missus: 3
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