Monday, August 17, 2009

Creative Spaces 5: Deathtrap!

There have been four responses to the Creative Spaces call... Here's the full listing!

This broom will very probably increase my lifespan by a significant figure. How can this be, I hear you ask.

Well, for years I had to stand on this ledge...

... to reach this window. (Or the books on the upper shelf.)

Here's the drop from the ledge. And remember, that staircase is steel -- it is quite unforgiving. These days I use the loop on the end of the broom to open and close the window, so I'm only imperiling myself when I need to grab a book from the top shelf.

And yes, that's my gut. I'm leaning backwards with my hips thrust forward, bringing its magnificence into prominence. Yeah, I'm on a fat boy plan and yes it's working, lost a couple of inches around the waist -- but I'm a big guy, I'm forty-five, what the hell do you want from me anyway?

For years the missus has expressed concern about my climbing around over the staircase. This is understandable. I'm a fairly clumsy fellow, and as you can see, that's a nasty drop. Honestly? I worry about it a little myself. That staircase is murder.

I figured out the trick with the broom after I had a little adventure a few months back. I was standing on the ledge, facing the bookshelf, and a moment's clumsiness shifted my center of gravity past the point of recovery. I started to topple backwards.

Now, in my blog post yesterday I made reference to feeling comfortable in situations involving violence. That's actually just part of it. I'm good in general emergency situations. I'm a danger ranger. I don't panic. I think.

So as I started to fall backwards, Emergency Guy took over. Everything slowed down and I had a chance to figure things out. Stupid as it may sound, I thought to myself, "Hmm. What would Spiderman do?"

And then I visualized his actions.

And then I acted.

I pushed myself off the ledge, jumping backwards, and pushed harder with my left foot so I spun in midair. I landed on my feet in a crouch at the top of the stairs. It was fucking perfect. I had no idea that kind of thing was within my capacities.

Right then I figured out how to open and shut the window with the broom. Talk about your deadline inspirations.

So now I've got to wonder. Am I the only person in the world whose life was actually saved by Spiderman?


Traumador said...

"Everyone gets one!" LOL

Sean Craven said...

And one more would be too many!