Twelve Apothegms and A Dream

These were taken from my old website, which is due for a massive reconstruction soon -- except for the dream, which happened this morning.

An apophthegm is a saying or truism; the word literally means a cleanly spat gob of phlegm, which strikes me as appropriate for my brand of wisdom.

1. Self-esteem is for the self-satisfied. The self-propelled are insecure.

2. There are two types of people in the world; those who categorize and those who do not. I fall into the latter category.

3. The difference between an artist and a craftsman is that an artist is paid by the piece while a craftsman is paid by the hour.

4. Tuning is never a mistake.

5. In fighting the world remember that the world has reach, power, and endurance on you. You're going to have to cheat.

6. The self is at once the greatest of all mysteries and somebody else's problem.

7. The second trip to the liquor store is always a mistake.

8. People are just like snowflakes or fingerprints -- it takes an expert to tell one from another.

9. Two wrongs may not may make a right but sometimes they make parity.

10. Pee when you can, not when you have to.

11. Before you panic take a deep breath and check all the cables.

12. It would be nice to be somebody else's worst enemy for a change.

A Dream

I was in the kitchen cooking and the missus walks in with a cloth over her face, muttering.

"What's wrong?" I ask

She pulls the cloth from her face; her features are swollen and she's weeping. "Where is the love you showed me just last week?"

I said, "Listen, if this is a crazy argument, you're going to lose. We're cuddling right now."

And I woke up. And we were.